There’s a Time and a Place…

Sometimes when the lights are down
and I can feel your heart beating against
mine i understand what it is to be alive.
When i look into your eyes i drown slightly
because there is so much to fall into,
and i stop breathing for a slight moment
because you look so beautiful.
I wish that life didn’t throw you any
bad days when you need my arms around you,
but you know that when it does I right there
to cast my body against yours and not move
until that smile that halters my heart is back.

I wish I knew those words to make the sun
Not disappear though I know that those
Clouds needed to descend just a little to
Protect you from the world that seems
To hurt you with its changing tides.

I wish I knew the ways that I could help
To make that smile appear for a moment
Then at least its one more smile to help
Those around you see a glint of blue
Through the mass of grey around.

I wish I knew a story that would make
This truth not hurt so that your image
Of him could forever be with smiling
Laughter around a different world than
The one that you are facing now.

I wish that I could travel in time to make
It to your side so that you had a hand
To hold and a hug to immerse yourself
Into when the tears won’t stop falling
And the breath you try to catch falls short.

I wish with all of my being that I could
Be anything but me right now because
I might be able to help, but if you take this
And feel some love then my part at
Least for now is done.

I could feel your hands around my stomach
Trailing shivers like an ice cube trails melted
Drips across the surface to the glass delicate
In motion much like the tiny flickers that you
Make with your fingers as you wake me.

I could feel your breath across the nape of my
Neck sending pulses of cool air across me
Down to my toes so that those delicate hairs
That cascade our necks stand up to attention
Like soldiers ready to fight a battle of wits.

I could feel my heart racing as my eyes fluttered
Open delicately to the new days light streaming
Over my body with which I could feel you so
Close to me that as I turn over I find air.

July 3, 2006

I let nothing stand in the way of you when
I could hold you and hide away the tears
That fall against my bare tired skin I let
nothing come between our skins as we
tightly pressed our souls together one last
time before the sun kissed the skin our lips
last touched just moments before.

I let the air around me grow cold now only
when you are gone suddenly and so quietly
that my stereo grows a little in volume just
to cover the sound of my footsteps against
our floor.

I wish that I didn’t want you around me
as much as you had been because my
small heart isn’t ready to be tugged apart
yet it has too much time to comprehend
being apart that my soul is too delicate
to wish anything but your arms around me.

There is this image ingrained into my mind
one that tries to prove some logic in cases
such as mine where there is little but the
hope that by this I might at least breathe
one tiny breath before it over takes me again.

I move the pain around as if it is a handbag
too long in the strap to be slung across me
in a comfortable manner this pain just moves
under my guidance to a place where for that
moment one pain takes over the origional
and I can breathe again for a second.

From soul to hand to ignorance and back
again in a circle of moving pain just so that
for a short while I can cope and ignore the
building pressure behind my eyes from this
looking backwards and downwards but never
at the path that appears before me.

 

 

From your mouth to my mindMay 15th 2006 

How many times have I questioned myself? Be lost in the feeling standing hereWhere taking each step one day at a timeLike secrets in the wind I hear the whispersLove's not always black and white.

As I'm falling down I come undone Always sharing the sensation of going nowhere FastAfter the sun there'll be the moon it doesn't matterI miss those days and I miss those ways I wonder what you think about? 

Turning your words ever burning my heart
They’re not kissing your lips; they’re not touching like this
I keep trying to find my way but
Out of patience out of balance out of time.  

All that you see is me Everyday I wanna be a risk you takeYour energy running through meYour fingers on my skin only you can hear my fear You just never know what life can bringIs this the end of the line? 

I was always walking one step ahead
Blinded misguided in the arms of love
No more sleep for my soul
I see right through you and I think
That I wouldn’t see the flaws
A vision I can only fantasize.

Here in the dark I can be strong
I will just grow from now on I know
I thought I’d know how to handle it
Silent space the culprit the catalyst
All the heart and the soul I’ve been giving
Am I wrong to think that something could happen? 

Only when your luck’s run out you find out who really counts.

 

*All the words you read above are lines from the entire Delta Catalogue, I hope that doens’t work against your appreciation of the work itself, I felt her words worked better to find my voice during this time that anything I could ever write.

what if? isn’t that the ultimate question, we can never do everything that we ever consider, we do something, and thus scratch off the list the opposing concept, that which we can never do, because we’ve already done the opposite. I never regret, I hope, but never give in to the questioning of what if? It hurts too much, what if’s jagged lines can slice deep into the white skin of my mind, into the white skin of my forearms like the knife, so I move away from the cutlery drawer, move away from those jagged lines and just do it all, do everything that ever entered my mind, even if its just for a second, I’ll consider it, I never want to turn around and say what if, you are not a what if, my life is not a what if!

 —————————–

That red sky burnt into my mind
triggering all the thoughts that I
can’t seem to escape I can only
see your face in my closed eyes
with that red sky behind you.

The stones cast upon my grave mark sorrow in such greyness that it is long before I can understand that each stone is marked with love.My grave is grey in front of me a deep sorrowful dullness that I didn’t ever consider before the colours that I had wanted were replaced.

 

———————————————

 

 

 and with the words that follow, I hope you will forgive my indulgence…

 

I found a voice when those eyes stared intently into mine/ granted i melted forcing my weak legs to stand around you/ without wanting to reach out and hold onto the perfect skin/ that almost vanished under my touch so pefectly pure/ i swear that those eyes are creations of centuries/ not of a human kind set on being with me. I wonder sometimes how it is that this world works/ spiraling into something of a circle for me to / get lost in the never ending lines and/ then your eyes catch mine and its all i can do/ to breathe and not blush deep red look away/ from you to catch those eyes when i look back/ its a wonder perhaps the 8th that you’re here.

She could walk that road for as long as it lasted
 the square inches in front of her kept repeating
before her eyes she could only concentrate on that
not let the surroundings enter her vision until it was too late
the road had ended before she’d decided to turn around
face the world head on eyes strong into the facing
opposition of a life she didn’t understand those people she needed
hidden by people that she didn’t need that she didn’t want
she turned off the constant road just before it turned
she saw something new and wondered what it could bring.

 —————————————-

the gentle dawn lights hit the room stirring one of the occupants just enough so that she could turn over, shifting her weight to her hip and gaze over the person lying fast asleep beside her. Each morning there was something new to gaze upon, in that half lighted daze of her first attempt at the day. She could always find a way of getting back to sleep, but she relished the few minutes of watching her bedfellow sleep, they seemed to be somewhere peaceful and happy, unknowingly looking more and more beautiful, each time their eyes fluttered, each time a little breath escaped their mouth. And with that she curled her arm around her partner and nestled her head into the small space that she had occupied when they drifted to sleep the night before.

there is a new light…and its because of you!