There’s a Time and a Place…

i wish you didn’t sounds so lost…and lonely, and i wish that i could hold you, just for the night, like a spirit, so that when your alone and at your most lonely, you have someone there with you through the dark bits, so you can be strong when the light wakens you. i wish that somehow I could make your voice sound less strained, and tell you that its ok for you to call for a minute, because all i wanted to hear was your voice, and to know that you are ok, and i wish somehow that I was brave enough to tell you all of this, and to make life as painless as possible, because thats all i want, is to take the hurt away from you…and love you, because in the end i just want you to be ok…

Sometimes when the lights are down
and I can feel your heart beating against
mine i understand what it is to be alive.
When i look into your eyes i drown slightly
because there is so much to fall into,
and i stop breathing for a slight moment
because you look so beautiful.
I wish that life didn’t throw you any
bad days when you need my arms around you,
but you know that when it does I right there
to cast my body against yours and not move
until that smile that halters my heart is back.

I wish I knew those words to make the sun
Not disappear though I know that those
Clouds needed to descend just a little to
Protect you from the world that seems
To hurt you with its changing tides.

I wish I knew the ways that I could help
To make that smile appear for a moment
Then at least its one more smile to help
Those around you see a glint of blue
Through the mass of grey around.

I wish I knew a story that would make
This truth not hurt so that your image
Of him could forever be with smiling
Laughter around a different world than
The one that you are facing now.

I wish that I could travel in time to make
It to your side so that you had a hand
To hold and a hug to immerse yourself
Into when the tears won’t stop falling
And the breath you try to catch falls short.

I wish with all of my being that I could
Be anything but me right now because
I might be able to help, but if you take this
And feel some love then my part at
Least for now is done.

I could feel your hands around my stomach
Trailing shivers like an ice cube trails melted
Drips across the surface to the glass delicate
In motion much like the tiny flickers that you
Make with your fingers as you wake me.

I could feel your breath across the nape of my
Neck sending pulses of cool air across me
Down to my toes so that those delicate hairs
That cascade our necks stand up to attention
Like soldiers ready to fight a battle of wits.

I could feel my heart racing as my eyes fluttered
Open delicately to the new days light streaming
Over my body with which I could feel you so
Close to me that as I turn over I find air.

July 3, 2006

“we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something”

One wonders with that opening line from Don Cheadle’s character how we are going to be shown through this epic film, is it going to haunt us, confuse us, control us, upset us, or bring joy? by the time the credits role and a number of tears have rolled down your face you will realise that its all of the above and more. This Oscar winning film (and thus given a wide berth so as to avoid the hype) is one of the most destroyingly honest films I’ve seen in a long time. Its not about what shoes go best with that dress, or whether the girl will get the guy which she always will, this is about honesty, and truth hurts…alot! This is one of those films that may shock you to the core, or merely reassert any beliefs you have already, but even if you assume you know everything about the black vs white culture of modern day, think again, even when you think you have each person sussed, something comes at you like a thousand ton train and there is nothing you can do about it, but let it shock you, upset you, demean your world, and bring you back up to the surface gasping for air, this is the type of film that you can watch again and again. Crash is a film that brings it all to the forefront, a nude film thats risking it all by flashing its opinions to the world, and for that it does well, the acting is outstanding, each single character stands out for thier own purpose, whether you hate, love, or are indifferent to the worlds that these people live in, there is no escaping the effect that they will have on you, you were brought into there world…and it will take a damn hard struggle to free yourself!

“No. Fact, if anybody should be scared, it’s us: the only two black faces surrounded by a sea of over-caffeinated white people, patrolled by the triggerhappy LAPD. So, why aren’t we scared? ”

I let nothing stand in the way of you when
I could hold you and hide away the tears
That fall against my bare tired skin I let
nothing come between our skins as we
tightly pressed our souls together one last
time before the sun kissed the skin our lips
last touched just moments before.

I let the air around me grow cold now only
when you are gone suddenly and so quietly
that my stereo grows a little in volume just
to cover the sound of my footsteps against
our floor.

I wish that I didn’t want you around me
as much as you had been because my
small heart isn’t ready to be tugged apart
yet it has too much time to comprehend
being apart that my soul is too delicate
to wish anything but your arms around me.

There is this image ingrained into my mind
one that tries to prove some logic in cases
such as mine where there is little but the
hope that by this I might at least breathe
one tiny breath before it over takes me again.

I move the pain around as if it is a handbag
too long in the strap to be slung across me
in a comfortable manner this pain just moves
under my guidance to a place where for that
moment one pain takes over the origional
and I can breathe again for a second.

From soul to hand to ignorance and back
again in a circle of moving pain just so that
for a short while I can cope and ignore the
building pressure behind my eyes from this
looking backwards and downwards but never
at the path that appears before me.

 

 

From your mouth to my mindMay 15th 2006 

How many times have I questioned myself? Be lost in the feeling standing hereWhere taking each step one day at a timeLike secrets in the wind I hear the whispersLove's not always black and white.

As I'm falling down I come undone Always sharing the sensation of going nowhere FastAfter the sun there'll be the moon it doesn't matterI miss those days and I miss those ways I wonder what you think about? 

Turning your words ever burning my heart
They’re not kissing your lips; they’re not touching like this
I keep trying to find my way but
Out of patience out of balance out of time.  

All that you see is me Everyday I wanna be a risk you takeYour energy running through meYour fingers on my skin only you can hear my fear You just never know what life can bringIs this the end of the line? 

I was always walking one step ahead
Blinded misguided in the arms of love
No more sleep for my soul
I see right through you and I think
That I wouldn’t see the flaws
A vision I can only fantasize.

Here in the dark I can be strong
I will just grow from now on I know
I thought I’d know how to handle it
Silent space the culprit the catalyst
All the heart and the soul I’ve been giving
Am I wrong to think that something could happen? 

Only when your luck’s run out you find out who really counts.

 

*All the words you read above are lines from the entire Delta Catalogue, I hope that doens’t work against your appreciation of the work itself, I felt her words worked better to find my voice during this time that anything I could ever write.